THIS: “It was a butt-dialing blunder that led police to the man they say orchestrated the fatal shooting.”
But what if the bear were wearing a trench coat and fedora, and carrying a newspaper in his mouth when he walked into the office?
Think about it. He’d look just like a businessman! Sure, people might be a little confused by the hairy, 1200 lb beast lumbering through the office on all fours, but this is Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce we’re talking about. Those people have SEEN THINGS. You really think an office full of people who watched a drunken secretary drive over a man’s foot with a riding lawnmower — indoors, in Manhattan — is going to react quickly enough to a perfectly disguised bear that Pete would have enough time to grab a bunch of salmon and rub it on his secretary before the bear gets to him? Fat chance, I say. Besides, they’ll probably all think it’s Stan with a really bad hangover.
God, it would be so great. The bear could just march past everyone straight to Pete’s office (“Hey there. Haven’t seen you around before. You the new man on Chevy? Name’s Benson. Bob Benson. Gotta say, love the whole ‘newspaper in the mouth thing. Keeps the hands free. Listen, I have an extra ticket to Sinatra tonight. You want it? You want both of them? I don’t mind missing it. Bring the wife. No answer? I like that. Power move. Did I mention the name’s Benson?”), shut the door, calmly shake off the hat and coat, then just maul the hell out of him. Nothing but Pete Campbell’s blood and screams filling the air for 300 uninterrupted seconds. I would cheer. I would honestly cheer. Out loud. Then the next day I would find a bunch of high-quality GIFs — OH, THERE WOULD BE GIFS — and I would open up so many of them at once that it would shut down my browser. Then I would open it back up and do it again. And again. Andagainandagainandagain."